"In some ways, infertility grief is similar to the sorrow that comes when
someone you love dies.  That which you are missing seemingly becomes
magnified when you see those who have what you've lost or what you want
and don't have.  While this increased awareness seems like  envy, in reality
it has to do with loss:  Loss of expectations . . ."

Melanie Dillon, Coffee and Clomid
from the desk of Dr. Pierce-Davis . . .

Over the past ten years, I began to see in my practice a growing number of
women with fertility problems.  Along with fertility concerns came
complaints of depression, anxiety, relationship problems, feelings of
isolation, and sadness.

Gradually, their stories of frustration, discouragement and grief unfolded:  
months of disappointment, roller coaster emotions, miscarriages, and
uncomfortable fertility treatments.

They found themselves avoiding settings where children and babies were
present -- shopping malls, holiday gatherings, family reunions, church.  
Most distressing  was embarrassment they felt from unwitting and hurtful
comments made by family and friends, even strangers.  As time went on,
they became increasingly isolated with their pain and shame.

One day, a client invited me to a Resolve meeting.  Resolve is a national
organization dedicated to supporting families with fertility issues.  

After the meeting, I made a commitment to become a resource for families
struggling with the complex and painful issue of infertility.  I studied the
physiology, chemistry,(Click here, then look at left column and click on "An
Inconceivable Truth) and psychology of infertility and  treatments.  I
consulted with physicians and counseled their patients. I was invited to
speak to professional and lay groups on emotional and spiritual issues
unique to Infertility.  I assessed individuals  for programs on the cutting
edge of the field such as egg donor, egg donor recipient, and surrogate
mother programs. I worked with families and adoption agencies,
counseling, assisting, and providing necessary assessment and
references.

I understand that it is important to grieve the losses of infertility:  the loss of
one's expectations, of an unborn child, or a future never given a chance.  I
also understand the deep psychological need to carry a child and to give
birth.  It is  not something easily forfeited.

When you talk to me, you will know that I have heard the story before.
Psychologist
Carol Pierce-Davis, Ph.D., Psychologist
Infertility

4131 Spicewood Springs Road
Suite K-6
Austin, TX 78759
Phone
(512) 345-6781 x 4
Fax
(512) 345-8083
E-mail
DrCPierceDavis@aol.com
Infertility Counseling
addresses topics
unique to the person
and the issues ~

How to manage the stress
of infertility:
  • stress symptoms,
    solutions
  • feelings of victimization
Relationships:
  • how infertility changes
    relationships
  • new communication
    styles
  • boundary options with
    friends, family, strangers
  • marriage and intimacy
Career:
  • medical treatments, side
    effects and work
    performance
  • concentration difficulties
  • mood changes
  • infertility and
    professional goals
  • when and who to tell
    and not to tell
Grief Consoling/Counseling:
  • loss of ability to parent
  • loss of child
  • loss of identity as parent
Information Sharing:
  • internet, web sites
  • books
  • publications, pamphlets
By Linda Hammer Burns. PhD

Infertility is a complicated medical problem that can trigger many different emotions.
The experience can cause sudden acute psychological pain and grief following, for
example, an unexpected diagnosis or difficult treatment decision. Infertility can also be
an open-ended situation where there are no clear endings and mourning and grief is
prolonged because a glimmer of hope may linger.

Unfortunately, the infertility experience can trigger unresolved emotional issues from
the past and may also launch a major assault on one's self esteem and personal
identity. Infertility can feel like a death, like a prolonged mourning process as dreams
die and hopes are dashed. It can also be a time filled with feelings of jealousy, rage,
envy, and longing. Individuals and couples may isolate themselves or feel isolated
from family and friends. Many people get worn down physically and emotionally by the
experience and not surprisingly, marital, family, and social relationships can suffer as
well.

It may be hard to know when emotional responses to the pain and frustration of
infertility are within normal, expected range or are excessive and problematic.

If you are experiencing any of the following feelings, you may want to see an infertility
counselor or therapist:

  • You have felt sad, depressed, or hopeless for longer than two weeks.
  • You have noticed changes in your appetite, either eating more or less than
    usual.
  • You are having trouble sleeping or are sleeping more than usual. You awaken
    not feeling rested.
  • You feel anxious, agitated, and worried much of the time.
  • You have panic attacks--particularly related to infertility situations or issues.
  • You feel lethargic or have lost interest in usually enjoyable activities.
  • You have trouble concentrating, are easily distracted, and/or have difficulty
    making decisions.
  • You have persistent feelings of worthlessness or guilt.
  • You feel easily irritated, angry, and frustrated.
  • You have thoughts of death or dying.
  • You have lost interest in sex and/or fail to have orgasms.
  • Relationships with friends and family are no longer rewarding and enjoyable
    and you prefer being alone.
From Resolve . . .